While I’m a big believer in the positive thinking movement,
one of the first misconceptions I work with clients on is that you can’t just
positively think, or will certain thoughts or feelings away. There gets to be an honoring and accepting
where you are in order to let go of what you don’t want. Only then can
you allow what you do want to come into your space. The thought or emotion must be felt and validated in order for it to flow out of you. And while what once was a beautiful ability to
forge ahead into unknown territory, and what ultimately led our early pioneers
to settle this American soil, learning to feel was definitely unknown territory
that left much to be desired. Processing
emotions is not something that is well practiced or really accepted here in the
West.
From a very young age, how many of us were told “You’re ok”,
“Suck it up”, “You are just fine”, “Don’t cry”, or a myriad of ways that stated
what we were feeling was totally unacceptable?
And yet when we embrace the child that has an owie and is hurting, and
who just wants to be acknowledged with a hug, a validation of their hurt, and
possibly a band-aid, they are off running around again before you know it, their
owie completely forgotten.
I truly know there is power in validation and allowing
feelings and thoughts to be expressed without judgment. Who are we to say that what anyone else is
thinking or feeling is not ok, let alone ourselves? It’s what is thought/felt, so regardless, it
is what it is. Why not embrace it rather
than deny, shove down, bury, hide, ignore, or detach from it?
What we don’t realize that by burying or denying our
thoughts and emotions, we are shoving them down further into the abyss of our
very beings, giving them a place to reside and grow until one day, it has no
other option but to come out. Whether it
manifests through a host of dis-eases, old stories and battle wounds that we
carry around with us as justification to be angry, hurt, or with-held
forgiveness, or some other awful drama or trauma, those feelings/thought will
eventually find a way out. The question
is, wouldn’t you rather allow it to leave sooner than later without all the
trauma/drama, giving you a much more fulfilling and vibrant quality of life?
So how do you honor your thoughts and emotions? This question often comes up, especially when
clients don’t want to condone and foster more of the thoughts and emotions they
don’t like. There are a couple of beliefs
with this. One, “if I accept where I am,
I will never get to where I want.” Two, “If I accept this feeling/thought, then
it means I condone it.” And lastly, “By
allowing this feeling/thought to be accepted by me, I will be dwelling in
it.” These are completely untrue! The truth is that anything we resisting will
persist (sound familiar?) It’s why diets
don’t work, and addictions are addicting.
When we focus on all the things we are deprived of or “shouldn’t do”, it
isn’t any wonder why we bounce back into binging on all of the “forbidden”
foods, or go running back to the addiction we so hate.
There is SO much more I could write on this topic! However, my intention is to keep it simple
and share some solutions that bring quick results. In order to honor your
thoughts and emotions, you can do several things. I recommend trying them all out and going
with what works for you. Some may work
better at different times in your life. Don’t
write them off immediately because they seem too simple or strange. You never know what will be the key to your
finding success in processing emotions and learning how to live a more
rewarding life:
·
When faced with an unwanted emotion/thought,
simply say, “Thank you” to it. Your
subconscious is reacting the way it is for a reason, and it is often out of
protection. By thanking the emotion/thought,
you are telling the subconscious that you got the gift and it doesn’t have to
keep protecting you.
·
Often times we can’t validate what we’re feeling
because we’re so far removed from feeling.
In this case, I recommend searching on the internet for a list of
feelings. It can be basic or more
detailed. Just having a list of emotions
was huge for me to reference and actually identify what I was feeling. By simply noticing and owning what you’re
feeling/thinking also honors that emotion/thought and allows it to move through
you.
·
Write down what you’re thinking/feeling. Write completely unhindered, getting
everything you feel/think out on the paper.
Take all the self-critic and whatever else comes out on the paper to a
metal trash can and match and burn it afterwards (ripping it into tiny shreds
also does wonders). It gives the
subconscious something tangible to see that what was felt and wrote about is
now able to leave.
·
Tap on your thymus (2” down from the middle of
where the colar bone meets in the center) and say, “I’m ok that I feel/think
__________.” Or “I’m ok that I don’t
like feeling/thinking __________”. This is tapping on an acupressure point that
also sends a message to your subconscious.
It is greatly validating and allows the emotion/thought to easily flow
through. There is much information on
the internet about the benefits of tapping, along with the other sequential
points to tap on. However, I’ve found
tapping on the thymus to be just as effective as going through all the other
points.
·
Deep breathe with the thought/emotion for at
least 5 deep breaths. Feel the emotion
in the heart area, and allow the thoughts to gel for a few breaths. Focusing on breathing makes it a conscious
act, allowing the focus to be intentional.
When you allow the emotion/thought to be felt/thought while consciously
breathing, it heightens the ability to flow the emotion/thought through.
·
Simply allow the feeling/thought to exist
without judgment. Just let it be. Once validated, then you can choose what you
would like to replace it with. An
example is to sit with discouragement for a while. Once it is allowed to have a
voice and speak up, acknowledge it, thank it, and decide what you would like to
feel instead.
·
Meditate on the thought/emotion for a while. This works great with the deep breathing.
·
Forgive the emotion/thought that is
unwanted. Quite often, we resent that we
feel/think a certain way. When we have
such rejection for a part of us, the message gets out to the rest of us and we
find all kinds of limiting beliefs and ways that we hold ourselves back, all
the while justifying our undeserving-ness because of the things we feel/think
about ourselves. It’s a cycle that can
be broken by simply forgiving an emotion/thought for existing within us for a
moment.
·
Realize that the emotion/thought exists only for
a moment. Allow it to be in that
moment. It’s when we judge that
emotion/thought, or hate it, or reject it, or bury it that it becomes a whole
lifetime of emotions/thoughts that are unwanted. The patterns really can change, but first we
must accept and embrace where we are at in the present before we can let go of
the past, or move forward to where we want to be.
Quite often, after an emotion has
been honored, answers to long-standing challenges are able to surface and a new
door opens. New insight about yourself
and how you see yourself in the world are discovered. Dreams seem to become a reality rather than
impossibility. And one of my personal
favorites, peace becomes a common friend in your life.
I hope this has been
helpful! I LOVE sharing information I
have learned and look forward to sharing with you again! Please contact me if you have any more
questions and I would be happy to answer them.
Much Love, Light, and Courage in
facing your own emotions/thoughts along this beautiful Earthly journey.
Kathy Heinsohn
