I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

We recently moved away from everything I have ever known.  My family, my husbands family, all my friends and basically went out of my comfort zone.  I left my house that I loved, my crossfit gym and family that I had gone to and loved, and I was so worried about my kids adjusting and all the logistics of moving I forgot to think or prepare myself for the fact that I might struggle, and that this might be hard for me.  Well about a month in it started to set in... My kids and husband were adjusting well and all was great except me.  I had found a really negative attitude and felt so lost, for the first time ever I really felt lost.

Photo from cloudwolfwarrior.deviantart.com 

Never in my life have I fallen into a spiral like I was in.  Depression was beginning to set in and I felt alone and somehow worthless.  I found myself comparing my everything to someone who was better than me... better mom's (they are all over pinterest and even facebook), those who were thinner, or more beautiful or smarter or better wives... everywhere I looked everyone was better.  Negativity had taken over my brain, I am grateful people still wanted to be around me, I was possibly a bit toxic with negative comments.  I had worked on trying my go to things, exercise, eating better, taking a Vit D supplement, taking a B complex supplement, using my uplifting essential oils, and even using St. Johns Wart.  I was in a funk...  I was crying a lot, I was not myself, and I felt very trapped.  I am not sure if anyone can relate to what I was experiencing, but I am sure some of you have.  I was starting to disconnect from my family, from those that love me and that I loved.  This feeling  was not completely foreign to me I have battled postpartum depression with all 3 of my babies and I knew that I was headed in a bad direction and that I may need to go get medical attention if things continued to get worse.  I had thoughts of leaving, leaving everything.  Those thoughts didn't last too long because after I had spent a few weeks relaxing on a beach or poolside somewhere...then what, my stuff wasn't going to go away.   I had a moment driving down the hill from our new home thinking if I just drove right into the lake I could just be done (my sane brain was thinking what the heck... snap out of it) but I was in a funk... The other thing that was really messing with my head is that I couldn't understand my struggle... Seriously I have friends who have lost babies, parents, friends spouses, or watched a love one suffer through cancer, I have a friend who lost her arm to cancer, and here I was having a hard time with moving... what!  I am still floored at the way that this got to me, but it did.  A good friend said to me "Your hardest thing is your hardest thing, and it isn't the same as anyone else's hard thing, but that doesn't make it any less real or hard for you." It made sense to me and I went with it.  I am certain this is not the last thing I will have to endure that is hard for me, nor will it be my hardest thing forever, but it's preparing me for those things to come.  The good news is I didn't act on any of those crazy thoughts that were plaguing me, I decided I had to face this head on and deal with it like the woman I had once been (I wasn't sure where she had gone but I was going to find her)  and I am finally back to normal (well as normal as I ever was).

So here is what I did that has helped:

• I recognized there was a problem and as hard as it was I had to ask for help.  I told my husband what it was I needed and what I was feeling and that I needed him. (this was hard, I hate admitting I need help, but sometimes I do) And after several conversations he reacted... it took me telling him several times because he didn't get how bad things had gotten, and he was unsure how to react to any of it.

• I continued on with my go to things I listed above.  EXERCISE is the most under utilized method to help depression.  In a study I read about they talked about how exercise was so important in correcting the imbalances that create depression, its more effective than medication alone.  In fact the study they ran had 3 groups those treated with medication alone, those treated with exercise alone and those treated with both.  The group treated with medication alone had a high rate of re-lapse once off the medication while the other two groups did not. (I wish I remember where I read about this so I could quote the actual statistics, but the idea stuck with me that exercise was sooo important!)

• I signed up for a Marathon (this gave me something to work towards that was just about me, and as I have continued following my training it gave me moments to be proud of myself for accomplishing something that was hard)

• I have made contact with people

• I limited my time online (facebook, pinterest and other sites can really pull you down at times)

• I got out of my house

• Daily affirmations and positive attitude are a must

• I forced myself to get up and get ready (even if I wasn't going anywhere)

• I got normal sleep (there were a few nights I lay awake and finally took some melatonin)

• I made sure I was eating good (or at least better)

• I joined a gym and go to classes there

• I made sure I was hydrating myself

• I tried to recognize when I was hungry vs when I was board and tried to create new habits such as taking the kids for a walk.

• I made a date with someone at least once a week so I got out of my house just me.

• I also tried to do things for other people, this helped me forget about my self for a minute.

• I prayed (if your not religious use mediation instead of prayer or take a moment to list the things your grateful for in your day)

I know that some of you might be suffering from depression that is full blown, please get help, in addition to doing the things that will help you beyond medication or therapy.