Thursday, January 15, 2015

Just Average...

I want to share my story.  I have seen so many blogs where you see the inspirational before and after photos where someone looses 100lbs and it is amazing and I always cry and feel for them as they find themselves and find how to love themselves.  I don't have that story, I probably never will, and I am am okay with that.  I do however want to motivate and inspire people in a similar way.  I want someone to read my story and think wow, I want to be healthier.  I want to motivate and inspire others and I hope I can do that.

I have as some would put it been blessed with good genes (thanks Mom and Dad).  Yes for the most part I have, both of my parents are very trim and healthy, above average in my opinion in their physique...  I have inherited some of that, but I also was raised watching both of my parents exercise, Dad often lifted weights and worked out in our home with what he had to work with, a bench, some free weights and a pull up bar.  Mom was always doing something, exercise videos, aerobics classes etc. and so I too have inherited that example as how things should be.  They both ate very healthy, nothing too extreme, and us kids still had normal foods, mac n cheese, pizza, cereal etc.  I am very grateful for the example given to me not only as a child but they both still continue to strive for health by exercise and healthy eating, they both inspire me.

Growing up I was always small, I also played soccer, did dancing, gymnastics, karate, and a few other things here and there.  Of course I spent my fair share of hours in front of a television or video game, but for the most part I was active and busy.    I was lucky and I had never had to pay attention to what I was eating EVER!  Then I started college, I was no longer dancing, playing soccer, doing gymnastics... I was sitting in class, eating out a ton, working, staying up late and partying.  And I paid for those mistakes.  I gained the freshman 15 easily and then some.  I lost a bit before my wedding, but not a ton.  I did loose a bit more of it when I started following weight watchers and exercising again just after I got married.  Now let me say that during all of this I was still within a healthy weight range for my height, but there were moments during this that I was uncomfortable in my own skin because it was not my normal.  I would get comments from others saying "where do you have weight to loose" and "you look great", and "I wish I was your size"  whether that was their way of being nice or they sincerely meant those things it mattered little to me.  I wasn't happy with me, I didn't love me.  With diet and exercise I finally got to a nice comfortable  average weight and size and stayed there for 10 years (aside from the 3 kids I had during that time)  I maintained fairly easily as long as I was exercising.  But I felt very average.

Then I started crossfit, I did a paleo challenge and I lost a ton of weight (well for me it felt like a ton, in reality it was only 10lbs, but those 10lbs changed me).  I was back to my high school weight and it felt great, it felt great because I felt sexy again.  It felt great because I did it eating healthy and exercising.  It felt great because for the first time in a long time I felt above average, I felt like I was succeeding in this.  I did great at maintaining this until the stress set in.  My husband got a new job out of town and he began a 2 hour commute to and from work every day while I got our house ready to sell and maintained the inside and out (we lived on 1/2 acre with a push mower).  If you have kids you will understand how hard this is.  When this happened I had a 1 1/2 yr old, a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old all boys and very active and messy.  But thankfully I had a lot of help close by and I utilized it.  The lbs started coming on as I had less and less time to watch what I was eating and fewer workouts.  Then the stress really piled on, we had had the house for sale for 5 months with no offers, my husband was out of town on a fishing trip when my 4 yr old fell out of our 2nd story window...  After a trip to the local hospital and an ambulance ride to a children's hospital and 24 hours of close watching he was fine but was to be walking only for 3 months.  I still have a hard time thinking about the week that he fell, I handled it all on my own without my husband and was very grateful for my parents being close by to watch my other two.  I still blame myself for his fall, in my rational brain I know I cannot be everywhere at once and I cannot watch my kids all the time, but I should have checked on them one more time.  I should have locked the window.  I should have done something, but.... I didn't and he fell.  During those 3 months of walking only for my very active 4 yr old, my workouts stopped, my 6 yr old broke his arm, and we had found a renters for our home,  we found and moved to a rental home 2 1/2 hours away from everything we had ever known, and somehow my husband was still working late hours.  The lbs piled on with the combination of lack of diet and exercise, and stress and depression.  Every time I felt stressed out or anxious I ate.  We lived in that house that we rented for only a year but it felt much longer.  I didn't love that house, I was depressed, lonely and felt a bit lost without my friends and family.  During this time I trained for and ran my marathon, this was the best thing I could have done, I honestly think it is what saved me and helped me to snap out of it.  We then moved again, and now that the dust has settled and I am feeling less lost and I finally have a moment to think about me again I am at the heaviest I have ever been and it is frustrating.  I started the year 30lbs heavier than where I was just 2 years ago, but I am still very average, I am not obese or even considered overweight for my height but again I am not comfortable in my own skin.  I have however learned that there are other things that I value in myself and those things I am doing well with.  I am learning that my body and my appearance will never be what it once was, that life has a way of changing us.  My outward appearance will continue to change but I want to feel good.  I am finding less value in the number on the scale and more value in feeling good.  I am finding less value in my pant size and more value in the person I am becoming.
After getting to the best shape I have been in  in over a decade and then going to the worst I have been in my entire life I have that thirst to be back to my best!  I am ready to put in the work and time to make me better.  I am 2 weeks into my challenge to wellness, I am currently getting at least half my body weight in ounces of water each day, and now am exercising at least 20 minutes everyday.  I will add one thing each week until I get to 12 weeks and by then I am hoping some of this will be just part of my daily routine.  I am hoping that at the end of 12 weeks I will have learned more about myself and how to love me more.  I am hoping that at the end of that some of you will be inspired to join me in my journey to health and wellness!  I am hoping at the end of 12 weeks I don't feel average anymore, I am hoping I feel above average.  And I hope you feel that way too.

3 comments:

  1. My most favorite at home workouts are fitnessblender.com. The couple that does it is amazing and real. I often feel I get a better workout with them than I do going to the gym. They have a wide range of lengths of workouts as well as a wide range of styles of workouts. And best of all, it's free!

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    Replies

    1. Awesome! I love finding new free workouts!! I will definitely be looking those up! Thanks for sharing!!!

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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